Mr. Dog Poop: So, I guess we're supposed to just use regular bread.

Jeff: Yes.

Mr. Dog Poop: Regular white bread, right?

Jeff: I think any kind of bread. You can eat brown bread. Don't be racist.

Mr. Dog Poop: So, I'm going to, I guess, butter the bread. I'm buttering my bread.

Jeff: Yes.

Mr. Dog Poop: Okay.

Jeff: Yeah, you got to butter the outside of the bread.

Mr. Dog Poop: Butter the outside of the bread.

Jeff: Okay. I cheated. I looked at the directions while you were setting yourself on fire. And it says butter the outside, put it down, stack the sandwich, butter the other outside and slowly press it down.

Mr. Dog Poop: So, I guess the easiest thing to make is like grilled cheese, right?

Jeff: Oh yeah. I'm going to test the limits of grilled cheese on this sandwich maker.

Mr. Dog Poop: So, I'm going to put one slice of cheese. I like to have tomato on my grilled cheese. So, I get out my pocketknife and cut off a couple slices of tomato.

Jeff: And that knife like been chopping through electronics.

Mr. Dog Poop: I mean, this is an incredible knife. And, you know, I bought it a couple years ago and I didn't really use it because I bought it to chop off arms of zombies and stuff. It is incredible. It is so sharp. And I'm going to try to find out what it is.

Jeff: I've used this knife that you had to teach me how to close after we stop recording the show. I've used this knife in probably every episode.

Mr. Dog Poop: Is it sharp?

Jeff: Yeah. Yeah. I'm not using it for tomatoes.

Mr. Dog Poop: Okay. So, I got grilled cheese and tomato on one side, and then on the other side. What about ham and cheese? I'm going to do Swiss cheese. Some ham. Put some ham on there. I don't know how much. Swiss cheese, ham. Ah, that's good. A little more butter. Oh, I might have to go get more butter. Apparently. need a lot of butter.

Jeff: Time for me, when he goes away, I'm going to tell you about the next big government conspiracy.

Mr. Dog Poop: Is it Joe Biden going to Ukraine today?

Jeff: Well, that's not it. That's an obvious one. Everyone can guess that.

Mr. Dog Poop: Okay. So, I guess now this thing, I guess you squeeze it down and it locks.

Jeff: Yeah. Slowly squeeze it.

Mr. Dog Poop: Oh, slow. Ouch.

Jeff: In fairness to me, the directions were like four steps.

Mr. Dog Poop: This thing’s hot.

Jeff: The first one was rinse it off before you use it. We failed at that.

Mr. Dog Poop: We didn't do that.

Jeff: The next one was stack your sandwich with butter on both sides. And then, all right, I'm just going to improvise here because I really didn't have much of a plan. We're going to go with provolone and roast beef. How about that? That sounds like a good one.

Mr. Dog Poop: Oh, my goodness. You got the super deluxe budget.

Jeff: Oh no, I'm having to sell my house to afford this.

Mr. Dog Poop: As you know, they gave me like $10 and they're like, go buy enough stuff for sandwiches. And what am I going to do with $10? $10? I can't even buy this onion right here.

Jeff: Well, you can buy an onion, but that's about it.

Jeff: All right. And I got low quality roast beef.

Mr. Dog Poop: Isn’t a low quality like human meat?

Jeff: It tastes just like human.

Mr. Dog Poop: So, I'm going to cut up.

Jeff: I'm going to come at with some spicy brown. You’ve got to have spicy brown on everything I make. Ooh, I can hear it sizzling. I got to hurry up. I still don't have the tops on these sandwiches, and I still haven't buttered them. Dammit. I'm too slow. I still have a sandwich with nothing on it. Can you hear that sizzle?

Mr. Dog Poop: I don't know. I closed mine. Is it going to tell me when it's done or is it just going to burn?

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