Uber Eats, Drunk Jeff and Florida Man Stories Page-2

Uber Eats, Drunk Jeff and Florida Man Stories

Season:1
Episode:21
Page Number:2

Mr. Dog Poop: Doesn't seem like a great plan.

Jeff: Poor execution, I once left the crime scene with the police pulling up in an Uber, so I mean, it's a viable option. I was actually the victim of the crime

Mr. Dog Poop: So you were just trying to get out of there before they fined you--

Jeff: I just wanted to go home

Mr. Dog Poop: Before they asked you for your green card or something.

Jeff: Avoid interactions with the police is generally my overriding philosophy. It's generally not going to be a good encounter, especially when you're really drunk. I was held at gunpoint by a homeless guy who wanted me to give him money so he could buy meth, but he was nice. He offered to share the meth with me, but I didn't have any cash. So he walked me to an ATM and I got someone to notice and call the police and he ran. I got an Uber, so, whoops.

Mr. Dog Poop: So we got a 22 year old Deltona woman, Deltona Florida, who accidentally shot herself while she was recording a video for Snapchat. So she had a gun and she was recording a video for Snapchat.

Jeff: Okay, well in this case, I'm not going to defend the Florida woman, but I'm going to say she got what she deserved. Can we say that at least Karma, at least Justice was served. I'm not a big Snapchat guy.

Mr. Dog Poop: Wait, I didn't realize this was another woman here. Florida woman calls 911 because her bacon pizza had hamburger instead.

Jeff: 911 is probably not the correct number to call, but I do completely sympathize. I once ordered a pizza pepperoni pizza, and they came with more mushrooms than I've ever seen in one place at one time. And they're not the fun kind of mushrooms. They're the fungus mushrooms. And at that moment I felt like I needed the police to be involved, but cooler heads prevailed. I sent a nasty email to their corporate thing with a, a picture of the monstrosity, the fungus infected pizza. But I like these four women where their heads at. I mean, I am single. I especially that Arby's lady does it have her contact info in there?

Mr. Dog Poop: The Arby's lady?

Jeff: I would love a wife who loves Arby's as much as I do.

Mr. Dog Poop: I got a correspondent on the scene in California in the blizzard. And I'm going to see if we can bring, if we can conference.

Glen: Hey Mr. Poop,

Mr. Dog Poop: We knocked you off of Zoom.

Glen: Well, because you don't have audio on Zoom, so let me see if I can I don't think I can do it with you on the phone. 

Jeff: Did the blizzard knock out Zoom in California? 

Glen: No. Mr. Dog Poop has zoom muted.

Mr. Dog Poop: I didn't know we got this complicated system and, all these remote correspondence aren't really up on what's going on. We'll give you some time to figure out if you can do a phone call and zoom at the same time. And we'll show a video of what's going on out there. We got the video of the blizzard in California. Can we play that?

Jeff: I want to see the cocaine falling from the sky. I

Glen: Is it working now?

Mr. Dog Poop: It's working there. Glen, just hang on a second. We're playing a video.

Jeff: Holy God.

Mr. Dog Poop: The video is from nine o'clock this morning and I just checked the, these were from the traffic cams and I just checked the traffic cams an hour ago and they were worse.

Glen: So, can you see my video now?

Mr. Dog Poop: We can, can you hold it sideways? So we get a a full view? Nah.

Glen: So you want me to be like Fox News or what? 

Mr. Dog Poop: Yeah, I want you to be like Fox News.

Glen: Oh, how's that ?

Mr. Dog Poop: Let me see if I can Get it on. 

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